One of the toughest things about having a blended family is the blending part. It is one of the things that hold tremendous guilt and sorrow in my heart. I try to make up for the lack of one parent while trying not to let that be a crutch for them. It really hit me hard this season as my middle son played T-ball for the first time. Despite the efforts I made to include the “blended family”. I harvested some anger and resentment that his father didn’t show up to one game. During these times, I leaned on God. I had to be in prayer often regarding this issue. I did not want to hold resentment or anger in my heart as hard as it was. I wanted to show my son that even if we feel wronged or things are not fair we always have to show compassion and love. I am still a work in progress.
I always dreaded the drive to baseball because the question always would come up regarding his father. When my son would go up to bat, he would do a quick glance of the stands to see if he saw his dad. Sometimes he would run up to the chain linked fence with his face pressed against it and whisper, “Is my daddy here?” I would smile and look at his precious face and he would half smile back and run back into the dugout. Behind my smile my heart was breaking.
We were tremendously blessed to be on such an amazing team. Every time my son would go up to bat and do a quick survey of the stands you could see his composure change for a moment. Then he would hold his head up when he heard the parents cheering and calling his name and the cloud would lift and he would swing with passion. Our team had both an amazing Coach and father volunteers that would assist with the kids on the field. They really adored all the children and would spur them on. My son enjoyed the feedback and attention he would get as they instructed him on his swing or how to behave on the field. It was just having someone take an interested that was the highlight for him.
I really struggle with this aspect of my life. Being the better person and showing compassion for those who have wronged you and not holding anger in your heart. It is so easy to pray about it, it’s the applying part that is my biggest setback for growth.
I was really blessed with my blended family as a child. I have the most amazing stepfather who treats me like his own. I am his daughter and he always showed in an interest in everything I did. I even took his last name, for the respect I had for him and love. I still kept my original last name as well. I thought every blended family was like this. I didn’t know what heartbreak, broken promises, jealously, hurt feelings etc were with blended families. Until my children started living them, as it’s a reality for them. That saying, “Can’t we all just get along” plays over and over in my head. If we could just stop acting like children and practice what we preach it would be ok. Its ridiculous that one parent can’t come to a game, open house, school play, birthday party, because of this or that or their spouse feels uncomfortable, etc.
My prayer is that God continues to soften my heart and that I can truly be an example for my children. That I demonstrate love, forgiveness, acceptance, and encouragement for all regardless of how I feel, to love in all circumstances.
This isn’t the first or last time they will experience disappointment or heartbreak. I just feel so responsible for this as I wonder what would have happened if I made it work and I stuck it out? My kids would have the benefits of both parents cheering them on along the way. My fear is that they will hold resentment for having a blended family and not one strong family unit building the foundation one beam at a time.
I can’t change the past; I can work on the future. I pray my children will never let these disappointments mold them in a negative way. My prayer is that they take what they have and use that to build off of in a positive way and allow these minor setbacks to be an encouragement and they find the blessings in these moments.
The Diary Of A Single Mom
